Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
