i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
