Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
