Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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