Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i came on her dog
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
