Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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