I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
