You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
