imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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