then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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