There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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