Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
