you guys were way drunker than both of me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
