I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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