if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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