eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
