After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
