She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
