People in love make me want to vomit
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
