apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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