I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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