Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
