Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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