Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We got so high we made milksteak
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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