Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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