woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
