Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
