My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
