I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
