I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
