she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
