the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize