Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize