He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
