There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
