Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Are my feet made of real feet?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize