How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
