Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
