What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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