I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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