So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
