Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize