I want to make a zoo with you.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
