Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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