I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
