i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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