Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
