living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
