Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have aggressive nipples.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
