I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
