taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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