Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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