3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
