So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
