What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
