I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
