you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
