a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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