is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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