I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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