Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
