Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
