Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Someone came in the potted fern
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
