There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize