I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
