I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
