Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You can't motorboat a personality
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
