I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
