can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
