I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
