YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Houston, we have a squirter
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
