he thought i was a dude.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
