White coat. Heels.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
