found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
