Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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